I Hate Walking Tables
by Superman-and-Beauty-Queen
Summary: Jason gets to tell this one, I suppose. Well, this is his embarrassing recap on his hunt for Buford the walking table. Oh, this is Piper, by the way. I'll be laughing in the background, along with the rest of you!


Hey, guys, Jason here!

**Yeah... I decided to let him write the first one. **

*Evil laugh* And the second, and the third, and the fourth, and—

**Shut it, Sparky. I'm writing the next one. **

Awww, come on—

**And if you feel apt to argue, I could always run you through...**

No! You can write the next one! Please don't hurt me.

***Pats his head* Good boy.**

Um, so, I'm telling this one... and I have just repeated myself... Piper, quit giving me evil looks! Anyway, I thought I'd tell you a story in which yours truly is victorious, because I know Piper won't give me justice when she does hers. Okay, do you guys remember when Leo's stupid mechanical table, Buford, ran away, and it held the one piece of machinery that would save Bunker Nine and most of the forest from exploding? Well, while Leo and Piper were off locking up Dionysus's rabid fan club, I was rescuing that gods dang table.

I had to try and fly for a good portion of the search to save time, and it was actually going quite well... except the fact that the maenads had basically scared away all of the wind spirits that help me stay aloft, and...

Grace down.

I landed on a tree branch, which promptly broke, sending me straight down to the ground for a high-velocity face plant.

Yeah. Real heroic.

On the bright side, I didn't land on my sword.

I stood unsteadily, picking pine needles from my face and brushing off my shirt. I glanced around, trying to get my bearings, and I happened to spot a trail of little round... footprints? I don't know, what do you call them on tables?

Anyway, as I followed the trail with my eyes, I noticed it seemed to be heading much deeper into the woods than I'd ever been. Oh, joy, I got to chase a walking table into uncharted monster territory. I wondered if I should go back and get reinforcements, or something.

Then, I heard a roar, coming from somewhere behind me.

Excellent. _Now_ what?

A distant glow that came from roughly the same direction as the roaring whatever-it-was told me that something had just set fire to a tree.

At this point, I had two options: face the creature coming towards me, or run towards the stupid table.

Another roar sounded, much closer this time. A second tree ignited.

I ran.

(Shut up, Piper. No, it's _not _funny!)

I was so worried about escaping the demonic growling that I didn't even think to look where I was going. If I hadn't looked up at the last second, I would have run straight into a tree.

I skidded to a halt so close that the tip of my nose brushed the bark. Stepping back slowly, I tried to catch my breath. I was quite exasperated at hearing the same roar, the same distance away as it had been when I'd started running.

Great. I had just run for I don't know how far, lost my way, wasted a nice chunk of time, and almost had a losing argument with a tree for just about nothing.

As I felt ready to smash my head into the tree on purpose, just to punish myself, I heard a puff of steam to my right, and turned quickly around to find the stupid table, Buford, just standing there, as if waiting for me.

I immediately ran towards it, arms outstretched to capture it.

My first big mistake.

It bolted, running deeper into the woods on its stubby little legs.

Who knew tables could run so fast?

I gave chase, and was soon panting. Buford kept taking wild turns, causing me to backtrack and fall over several times. That got old quick.

I finally decided to just dive onto the thing and pin it to the ground, which worked effectively, until it started kicking me.

I think I held it down for a full five minutes, muttering "Ow, ow, ow, ow..." as it continued to kick me. When it finally began to calm down, I wrapped my arms around it to keep it still, and cautiously stood. I turned to try and carry it back.

I found myself looking into the eyes of a fully grown drakon.

It had been crouched there, perfectly still and silent, for who knows how long. And now, as its beady eyes glittered evilly, I figured it was picturing a nice demigod flambé for its supper.

Perfect. The struggling table wasn't helping any, and I couldn't get to my sword. I was done for, and I think the drakon knew it, because it didn't pounce or blow fire. It stared at me and bared its teeth, almost like it was grinning. No need to rush into this one. All it had to do was wait for me to fall over.

By some miracle, I didn't fall over. I think I stood there and stared at it, trying to look as menacing as I possibly could while holding Buford, who was still trying to pummel me with one of his legs.

When I didn't lose my balance after a while, the drakon apparently got tired of the staring contest and just decided to roast me. As it prepared to blow fire, I closed my eyes, praying that some escape would appear in, like, the next two seconds. _Anything _would have been fine... even if I could just shoot out of the forest and end up back at Bunker Nine...

I suddenly felt like the god of the North Wind had just slapped me. When I opened my eyes, I was suspended quite a way above the drakon, which was looking perplexed by the fact that I had just vanished. It snorted more fire, then sniffed the pile of ashes that used to be a shrub.

With my arms still locked around Buford, I controlled the winds, which carried me to the Bunker, within which I could hear several feminine voices screaming to let them out.

When I entered, I set Buford down and stood behind him so he wouldn't run off again, but there really wasn't any need to. He made a beeline for Leo like a homeless puppy.

After that, most of the night was a blur. Leo worked his mechanic magic on the engine of the partially built ship and put in that thing-a-ma-bob, so the Bunker and the woods didn't explode. The twisted nymphs were taken away in their new prison. Chiron congratulated us, and all that. I was falling asleep on my feet. Piper had to elbow me every few minutes to keep me awake.

I don't know how, but think I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, I was sitting at the camp bonfire with Piper and Leo. We stayed until the Apollo campers suggested we do the hokey pokey.

**Really? ****_That's _****where you're ending it?**

You have a problem with that, Piper? Who's the storyteller here?

**Enjoy it now, Jason. Next time, I'm picking a story that will leave no room for commentary from you.**

Oh, whatever. Anyway, we thank you for listening! Please let me know what you think of my storytelling skills!

**And don't forget, if you have any questions regarding anything from our least favorite god to our favorite color socks, please don't forget to ask! We will be answering any and all questions you have on our profile, and we post a new set every week, so keep checking! You are welcome to ask via review, PM, or Iris message.**

So, until next time, everyone! 


End file.
